Alzheimer's Caregiver Support

On-line support group


Caregiving: The Grief Process: Part 2 (of 6)

Posted by Alzheimer's Caregiver Support on August 21, 2017 at 12:00 PM

An excerpt from my book,
“One Arm One Leg 100 Words, Overcoming Unbelievable Hardships”  

At times, she didn’t even want to look at me or touch me. If she didn’t retreat into her room and slam the door, then I usually had to leave the room myself and leave her alone so she could let all of that pent-up frustration out of her system. I’m sure the neighbors thought I was beating her, it sounded that bad. It took a tremendous amount of energy for her to vent like that. It would take her days to recover fully from the outbursts that drained her body and her emotions. Sometimes I felt that it was my fault for letting the conversation get to such a point of frustration that allowed her to just snap like that. She couldn’t just stop this outburst of screams once she got started. It had to run its course.  

In fact, it might have actually even been therapeutic for her to vent like that. I didn’t really know if it was or not. I just knew that I had to try harder not to let our next conversation get out of hand again. In my own defense, however, the conversations that we were having were necessary ones. They usually involved changes that needed to be implemented. I would give her my reasons, but she typically didn’t agree and couldn’t articulate why. When I would sense that she was heading towards another emotional outburst, I would stop the conversation, and change the topic.  However, that did not work most of the time.  

Imagine trying to discuss something very important with someone and not being able to say a word. Then knowing by your silence that you were going to lose something very valuable. You felt you were losing it because you were not able to state your case or speak your mind. Then to be told that we were not going to discuss this anymore because, “you are getting upset and you can’t be understood.” If that isn’t hell, then I don’t know what is. They say (whoever they are), that the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to speak and communicate with each other. In a way, a part of her humanity was taken away, and she was very upset about it.  

One way that I attempted to survive those difficult days was to travel on some weekends to my cousin’s and uncle’s homes that were located in different states. I hadn’t seen any of them in years, and it was a special treat for me to get away from my reality and share my feelings with safe people who were not a part of my situation back home. Charlene needed the break away from me also. She was naturally self-absorbed into her own problems. For her, no one else’s problems were more important than her own. This is normal behavior for a stroke survivor.  

Back home when Charlene would attend her stroke support group, I would also attend my caregiver’s support group. It was there I learned that I needed to take care of myself in order to take care of my wife. The caregivers would meet in one room and the survivors would meet in the another room. Both groups would complain about each other’s group and would share their horror stories with anyone who would listen.  

I remember back in those days that Charlene and I would often get into angry shouting matches with each other as our patience would wear thin. I am so thankful that those days are long gone and we now finally like each other once again.

By Guest Blogger: Dave Nassaney

Dave Nassaney, Author, Speaker, Life-Coach, and Host of Dave, The Caregiver’s Caregiver Radio Show, a show for caregivers who are burned out yet his most important role is Caregiver to his lovely wife, Charlene, for over 21 years.

His website has been developed to help caregivers overcome obstacles, adversity, and burnout, as well as just having a place to rest, relax and recharge their batteries. Please consider taking a coffee break now, and allow this site to encourage you in your difficult journey.

Dave, The Caregivers Caregiver

Categories: Personal Stories from Caregivers, Caregiver Burnout

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In


Reply flovack
2:11 PM on May 16, 2022 - Cialis Imsquz Cialis Orbflo - how much does cialis cost Gktfoh
Reply anydayted
7:52 AM on July 27, 2022 
purchase cialis online cheap levitra now online
Reply Gobjoilla
6:57 PM on August 15, 2022 
how to buy stromectol Propecia Progesterona
Reply fiewock
12:34 AM on October 26, 2022 
Clarifying the association between NSAID use and the development of breast cancer is potentially of great importance clinically stromectol dosage for head lice How to use Tri Lo Estarylla
Reply fiewock
12:32 PM on October 29, 2022 
Phillip, USA 2022 04 24 19 08 24 ivermectin for sale Bodybuilders go through exercise programs or routines or regiments to develop their muscles for general health and fitness
Reply envigeogS
2:44 AM on November 7, 2022 
That leaves cotton, linen, rayon, and more cotton nolvadex dosage bodybuilding
Reply alburge
9:59 PM on November 9, 2022 
The interview included information on social, reproductive, medical, and gynaecological history, family history of cancer and lifestyle factors priligy dapoxetine 30mg Willy OIjQCDGYuNoMXTLKAq 5 20 2022
Reply envigeogS
9:32 PM on November 10, 2022 
ethinyl tadalis ajanta vs tadacip cipla Hachette Book Group Inc tamoxifen risks Ellis MJ, Coop A, Singh B, et al Letrozole is more effective neoadjuvant endocrine therapy than tamoxifen for ErbB 1 and or ErbB 2 positive, estrogen receptor positive primary breast cancer Evidence from a phase III randomized trial
Reply insebuish
7:38 PM on November 17, 2022 
doxycycline 100 mg capsule Monitor Closely 1 itraconazole and goserelin both increase QTc interval
Reply Plefliata
9:43 PM on November 17, 2022 
Each woman s estrogen metabolism is different, so the balance between your good and bad pathways is unique metformin and clomid Trinity, USA 2022 06 20 02 41 48
Reply Plefliata
2:26 PM on November 18, 2022 
In vitro and in vivo studies investigating the antioxidant effects of phytoestrogens 50 concluded that they act as antioxidants directly or indirectly by enhancing the anti oxidant enzyme activities of catalase, superoxide dismutase, glutathione peroxidase and glutathione reductase clomid
Reply brontem
8:45 AM on November 20, 2022 
To further explore the relationship between PDCD4 and HR, CCLE BC cell lines were classified into the different BC subtypes based on previous studies reporting ER, PR, and HER2 expression in said lines Supplementary Table 3 stromectol for lice
Reply brontem
12:03 PM on November 21, 2022 
Epub 2010 Mar 14 achat stromectol